Rise Above This
by CountessValentine
Summary: Steve started walking toward Banner's lab wondering what could have made Darcy blow up this way. This Darcy was so much different than the cheerful, sassy woman that was a common presence around the tower. What has she been keeping from everyone that has made such a strong person break?
1. Listen Closely

***Author's notes: I don't own the Avengers, anything Marvel property related, or any song lyrics involved in this story whatsoever. Sad day. ***

"Darcy are you even listening to me?" demanded the petite woman in front of her.

Snapping back to the present, Darcy scanned Jane trying to determine what she had been spouting at her.

"I'm sorry, Jane. I'm a freaking zombie today. Couldn't sleep very well last night and all the coffee in the world isn't seeming to work." Darcy replied, pushing the fatigue way momentarily.

"I was trying to ask you if you had seen Thor, we were supposed to meet for lunch but I haven't seen him since we left our apartment this morning." she quipped.

Annoyance seeped into Darcy, as much as she tried to push it away. That was all she needed? Since moving into the Stark Tower with the Avengers at Jane's request her life had been constantly revolving around those around her. "Maybe I should have moved in with the rest of the off site SHIELD agents?" she thought to herself. Not like she could have afforded it, as those charged rent as opposed to her living quarters in the tower. She was here to shuffle paperwork and make sure Jane remembered to be human, but since Thor had been back she hadn't needed to worry about the last part. Sharing a wall with Jane let her know that Jane was indeed acting like a human... multiple times a days. At least she didn't chastise her about the music she blasted in response. Dragging her thoughts from the cushy bed in her apartment she took a deep breath and leveled her voice.

"I saw him go into a meeting this morning with Wonderboy and the Green Giant", she attempted to keep up with her normal level of chipper humor to make Jane go away.

"Well that's great, if Fury is in there they will be in there for hours. Unless Steve and Tony get into again, though I would rather not have to deal with the construction crew again. I guess I'll see you Monday then, I have to go pack for my flight to see Erik. Have a good weekend Darcy!" Jane threw walking out the door. Leaning back in her chair, Darcy sighed and attempted to get back to work.

After enough time passed for Jane to well out of earshot Darcy liberated her Ipod from the depths of her purse. Popping in the little buds and pressing play, she prayed this was one of those days where shuffle could read her mind. Didn't seem like that was gonna be her luck today as the cooing of Arctic Monkeys flooded through the speakers. Shutting of her computer and ripping out the earbuds, she grabbed her purse and shut off the lights deeming that the day was a bust. Walking the steps to her apartment she tried to ignore the cheerful conversations around her, deciding against ordering food so the vodka she had left at home could actually have an effect. The meeting had apparently ended as the stream of people walking by included the avengers, minus Thor who must have gone to meet Jane somewhere for food.

"Darce, come party with us! It's the anniversary of the Battle of New York, we're gonna go have drinks and Shwarma around 8. There's bound to be something a rabbit can eat there." Tony teased.

Ignoring the taunt at her veganism, Darcy shook her head faking a headache. She really did not want to be around be around people, let alone drunk Avengers.

Tony just cocked an eyebrow and let her pass by, making note that he needed to warn Jarvis to monitor her apartment. As bubbly as Darcy normally was, he could tell something was up when he didn't get a snarky comeback from mentioning her eating habits. Not that he cared about them, Bruce was a vegan as well, something about the environment and speciesm or some crap like that. At least they didn't try to take away his stakes or bitch about the community kitchen. Something was up with her, but he knew she wouldn't discuss it until she damn well pleased. He knew too well from past experience.

Finally closing the door to her apartment, Darcy threw her bag down and walked to the kitchen grabbing the bottle of clear liquid from the cabinet.

"Hey Jarvis, can you turn on my video playlist from youtube? The one with Soil, Soil by Tegan and Sara on it, I feel like being mopey." Darcy requested of the AI.

"As you wish miss. Should I order your normal from the Chinese restaurant down the street?" Jarvis suggested, and Darcy knew he was trying to help alleviate her poor mood.

"Maybe later, Jarvis. Thank you." Darcy sighed, cranking up the volume on the TV. Crumpling on her couch she sipped her glass with a frown. Studying the space around her, she marveled at how much the space screamed Darcy, but yet seemed so distant to her. Void were photos of her childhood, they had been the first be removed after the accident. Everything around her was current, telling of her life here with Jane and the Avengers. Sure they were all good people, she had made friends with all of them making sure they understood she was friends with them because of the humans (or gods) they were, and not their "supers". She was careful not to reveal too much about her past, though she knew it couldn't go on forever. Natasha had to know what happened, but was careful to not mention it to any of the others and understood she wasn't ready to discuss it. Pulling her hair down from its torture device she cringed at the notion of coming to terms with what happened. Downing the rest of her drink and moving to pour another, she allowed her poor mood to stew and attempted to watch the My Chemical Romance video in front of her. Though she had a very eclectic taste in music she felt the harder the better tonight and switched it Seether. Stuck in the 90's and early 00's always got her flack from Tony, who perpetually had 80's rock playing in his lab. They could at least bond over a few crossovers, and have spent quite a few hours listening to Nirvana and AC/DC while tossing music knowledge back and forth.

Letting the music wash over her for some time she retreated back in her head, glancing at the half empty bottle of vodka on the coffee table. She had been right to forgo dinner, and had drunk quickly enough to bypass the buzz and go straight to drunk.

"Take the light, and darken everything around me. Call the clowns and listen closely, I'm lost without you" started echoing through the speakers as Darcy flinched.

"Jarvis, why is this still on my playlist? I told you to remove it from everything I own!" She screamed.

"I'm sorry, miss. I am removing it now." the AI quickly replied.

That was it though, all it took for the crying to start. The song was marked, marked by the phone call she received on the day exactly a year ago. Why didn't she stop them? Why didn't she tell them to visit her instead. Why couldn't they be evacuated in time?

"Why?" She yelled to the empty apartment throwing her glass at the wall. She had already grabbed the nearest object to throw before the glass marked the floor. Throwing the chunk of amethyst at the TV it burst out with a shower of sparks. Music still spread through the surround sound as she pulled herself from the couch, knocking the precious vodka bottle to the floor. Darcy stumbled and saved the bottle to the floor, downing as much as she could before throwing it against the wall with enough force to knock a hole in the sheet rock. She turned to the rest of her apartment, searching for the next thing to destroy.

"Sir, it appears Miss Lewis is in need of assistance." Tony heard from his earpiece.

"Thank you Jarvis, I'm on my way back now". He replied.

"Sir, you may want to keep on your suit." the AI suggested.

"What is going on Tony?" Steve asked after overhearing the conversation.

"Something is up with Darcy and I asked Jarvis to keep an eye on her tonight. Seems like her mood may have gotten destructive judging by what Jarvis said. She'd make Hulk quake in his boots when she's angry, no telling what she'd do when she's depressed." Stark explained.

"I'll go for backup, might need a sober person there. Meet you at the tower shortly." Steve stated, starting his goodbyes. Natasha raised a eyebrow in understanding, hoping this meant the young woman would start the grieving process. She gave a pat to the Captain, turning to Clint with a look that said she would tell him about what was going on once everyone left. The truth had finally bubbled to the surface.

"Which floor does she live on, Stark?" Steve asked walking into the elevator.

"Same floor as you, Cap. You didn't notice the blasting music on a daily basis?" Tony asked.

"I honestly thought that was construction." Steve embarrassingly admitted, pressing the button for the 70th floor.

"I'll make sure to tell her someone else thinks her music sucks. Perhaps later though..." he trailed off listening to the blasting music at the door, emo music never being a good sign. Steve joined him at the door to her apartment, giving him a look.

"Early 2000's music was a bit uh...interesting", Tony stated while typing in a master code to her door, "Don't think she'll hear us knock."

Neither man knew what to expect when the walked in the door, but immediately went on alert when they saw bloody footprints on the floor.

"Jarvis stop the music, Darcy where are you? It's Tony and Steve, Jarvis sent us a message saying you might need us." Tony cautiously told to the air.

"Traitor!" They heard Darcy scream from the other room. They ran over to the room to find her in the fetal position on her bed, bloody feet staining her bedding.

"Darce what is going on? Why does it look like Banner had a temper tantrum in your living room?" Tony attempted to joke through the situation, leaning in to try to get a better view of her feet and recoiling slightly as the strong smell of alcohol hit his nostrils. Steve moved in, and ignoring her drunken protests, picked up the small woman.

"Banner is still in his lab, correct?" Steve remembered he was working on a project and politely declined Tony's demands of going to the bar.

" Yeah, we better get her over. Looks like she has some spots on her feet that are gonna need stitches. She's not gonna feel pretty once the alcohol wears off, that's for sure." Tony frowned.

Ignoring her drunken cries to leave her alone, Steve started walking toward Banner's lab wondering what could have made Darcy blow up this way. This Darcy was so much different than the cheerful, sassy woman that was a common presence around the tower. What has she been keeping from everyone that has made such a strong person break? They were almost to Banner's lab when she started crying again, muttering to herself.

"It's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault they're dead. I couldn't save them. If I would just have..." Darcy whispered.

"Darce, it's gonna be ok. We're gonna help you. You have to let us is though, we won't be able to help unless you let us in." He spoke into her hair, ignoring the smell of the vodka coming off her and trying to remember some of the techniques Sam would use in his therapy sessions.

"But it's my fault they're dead. All my fault." She wailed.

"Darce I don't think you could kill anyone, maybe taze them, but not kill. Who are you talking about?" he persuaded.

"My family. My family is dead because of me. My mom, my dad, my little brother. I told them they needed to visit New York. I bought their tickets with my first SHIELD paycheck. I was supposed to meet them, but they shipped Jane and I off to the Netherlands. I never got to say goodbye" she admitted quietly, purposely not looking at him. Suddenly everything made sense. How had they not known, why did SHIELD not tell them? Had anyone even gone to their funeral with her? Poor amazing Darcy was forced to endure this burden alone, the survivor's guilt ripping her apart.

"Oh, Darce." Steve whispered and he crossed the threshold to Banner's lab, knowing that is was just the beginning.

***Constructive criticism is welcome, honestly this is my first serious fanfic. The only other one on my profile I wrote when I was 13 and stopped when I received some death threats because of it. Not that I took them seriously, I just didn't wanna deal with it. I'm gonna try to find a beta reader, and do some googling cause it's been a looooong time since I've had to worry about punctuation is speech. (looks off to me). Well I hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter, I'll try to get the next out shortly.***


	2. Through Honest Eyes

***Author's Note: Trigger warning for this chapter. Self Harm and suicide are mentioned. Sorry if this spoils anything, I just figured it would better to let you guys know.***

Steve saw Banner's eyes widen as he stepped in the lab, the hitch in his throat expelling.

"Come get her on the table then go grab that basin on the shelf." Bruce ordered starting to grab supplies to stop the bleeding. Working with care, trying to avoid gazing in her eyes, Bruce studied the blood oozing from her feet trying to determine where he should begin. Returning with the basin, Steve joined across from the man ready to assist.

"Darcey I need to know what you did tonight, how much did you drink, have you eaten anything? I need to know if I have to pump your stomach. No, no, no, I'm sorry sweetie you can't sleep right now." The anxious doctor pleaded, smoothing her hair and turning her to face him. All he got was incoherent muttering and more tears from her red ringed eyes.

"Bruce we need to get her stomach pumped now, Jarvis told me on the way up she drank a fifth of vodka. That would be enough to knock Natasha on her ass." Tony announced as he rushed into the room, sending his suit away.

"Shit, grab me those tubes over there and help me get her prepped. Steve I'm not gonna have time to numb her properly so I'm gonna need you to hold her down." Bruce requested, driving his hair out of his face and attempting to keep composure. Falling in place while they prepped, Steve got Darcy lying flat on the table and pulled her hair away from her face. Having a nurse for a mother, he knew that the next few hours were gonna be touch and go even once they got the poison out of her stomach. Running his hand down her arm in an attempt to comfort not only the disconnected woman, but himself as well, Steve was startled to come away with blood on his hands. Ripping up her black sleeve, a sudden wave of nausea flooded his system as he stared at the deep gashes and the piece of glass still stuck in one. He had never seen ones this straight and the angle they were at suggested... sucking in his breath he struck an arm out and gripped Tony's arm so fast the man flinched.

"Cap what the hell are- oh fuck, Darce..." Tony dropped off.

"Move, so we can get started gu-" and upon seeing what the men were staring at immediately turned and drove a hand into the wall. Breathing deep, forehead pressed against the wall, Banner clenched and unclenched his hands but miraculously drove down the green that had started to flood his skin. Both men stared in relief.

"Hold her down, NOW. We are getting this done, she is not fucking going this way." the doctor demanded, ignoring a tear flowing down his cheek.

The whole process of getting her stomach pumped, removing the glass from her pale skin, and stitching up what parts they didn't think would close on their own took over 3 hours. Darcy had passed out somewhere around the 2 hour mark, bellowing at the ceiling as they dug out a particularly deep piece of glass. Bruce had maintained his sanity through the whole procedure, despite a few stubborn tears that he wiped on his arm. Neither Tony or Steve knew what was running through the silent man's head, or at least had the common decency to remain quite through the procedure.

"Bruce, do you have any idea why we found Darce this way? As long as I've known her she's not given any signs to point to this level of darkness." Steve asked the grey man as he collapsed in a chair next to the doctor.

Banner was quiet for a moment, dueling with his mind on how to begin. Sighing and leaning down further in his chair, he met Steve's eyes and began.

"A few months ago, I caught Darcy in my lab searching though the medications. I stayed quiet long enough to figure out that she was looking for Nembutal ... which is the drug they use in certain states to perform a 'death with dignity'. It causes respiratory arrest in a large dose. She dropped it the minute she saw me and just looked me in the eyes, in a way I've known too many times in the past. The eyes give it away, you know. The people appearing the happiest on the outside are usually the most tormented on the inside. I should have stopped her that day, told SHIELD she needed to be placed in therapy, Jarvis to watch her, but I let my own past hold me back. I could have prevented all of this." the grieving man said into his palms.

Steve attempted to process this window into Darcy's world, driving his brain to remember some of Sam's patients he had spoken to him about in the past. The things they had done to themselves, the nights spent drinking with Sam after he had gotten calls telling him he had lost another veteran to the abyss. He dwelled on the months spent trying not to sleep after a particularly bad dream involving Bucky, and the pain of losing Peggy to cancer that still hadn't subsided. He, as well as every other Avenger, was so internally tormented they couldn't see a fellow so close to the edge even though it was mirrored in her sapphire eyes.

"She's should be in the clear soon, I'm gonna call Pepper give her an update. I already instructed Jarvis to get the clean up crew up to her apartment in the morning. Bruce, I got it from here. You look like you're about to keel over." Stark said to the pale man. Banner nodded and shuffled off to rest, the other men knowing how much energy was used keeping the Other Guy from making an appearance earlier.

"I hacked the SHIELD database... they had info on her family's death. Why the hell did no one mention it to us? I don't even think she told Jane, let alone anyone else. What did they gain keeping this quiet?" Tony breathed.

Steve turned to look at the small woman hooked up to tubes and covered in bandages, swallowing his shame. He saw Darcy on almost a daily basis and yet he was no closer to knowing her. Yeah he knew that she liked Chinese food, blasting her music at 2 am, and drank coffee like it was water, but he was no closer to knowing the actual person behind the mask. How much of her personality was exaggerated to cover up her secret?

"Hey Tin Man go get some sleep, I'm not gonna be able to go to bed any time soon. We'll have a discussion with Fury in the morning to find out what the hell is going on." Steve suggested.

"Language, Cap" Tony jeered before checking her monitors and waving goodnight with a frown etched in face.

Steve moved his chair by Darcy's side to keep an eye on the screens steadily notifying him that her vitals were normal. Thus the world was oblivious to the tears that shed down his cheeks, the first since he watched Bucky fall to his death.

***Thanks for the reviews guys, I know this chapter was a bit shorter but I felt it was a good place to end the scene.***


	3. Into the Ocean

*****Author's note: Sorry for the long wait. I don't want to give a whole bunch of excuses, but we should be good now! Shouldn't be another wait that long between chapters*****

Darcy woke to the feeling of going through a grinder and then some. Taking a deep breath she slowly started the mental checklist of things that hurt, and found it would have been easier just to find out what didn't. Attempting to swallow proved to be the most worst idea she's had in a long time, she decided as she internally screamed, ripping her swollen eyes open to survey her surroundings. She noticed she was in Banner's lab, and could hear the small monitors next to her alerting her that she was indeed alive, if the pain wasn't already a large enough indication. Pushing the haze away, she tried to remember how she ended up here, and why the hell everything felt like it was on fire. Wrinkling her forehead trying to keep the events in focus, she could remember walking to her apartment after work, talking to Jarvis, watching some music videos, and... fuck, downing a bottle of vodka in about 2 hours. 'That would be why my throat feels like a plumber's snake went down it' she thought putting together that someone had had to pump her stomach. What the hell was she thinking, looking back on those stupid high school lectures regarding binge drinking, and deciding she must have not cared at the time. Pulling the threads she followed that she must have been drinking heavily and something set her off, walls tumbling as she came to terms that her wounds self inflicted. Scenes played in her head of bloody footprints and a large piece of glass in her palm, screaming into the empty room, dragging herself to her bed... then some talking. Turning her head to the side carefully, she found the source of one of the voices in her memories. Steve was passed out, head propped up by his arm, chest rising and falling slowly. Why was Cap still here? She would have expected Bruce to be watching over his patient, or even Tony so he could smack her like his 'big brother' persona suggested he would, but Steve generally kept out of others problems unless it involved Bucky. The soldier had been back for a few months now, only now being seen around the common areas with Steve, Clint, or Sam. He had been placed in therapy with the men as they all held a way to help him heal from his imprisonment. The constantly terrified look in his eyes when he met another's was slowly starting to exit, and she had even heard him talking with someone besides Steve the other day. Steve had seemed ecstatic for the first time since the death of his friend, Peggy. Darcy felt guilty at how much she enjoyed seeing Steve's smile light up his face.

As if he knew she was thinking about him, Steve pulled his head from his palm, stretching his limbs. Noticing she was awake, he smiled softly and proceeded to stand up and move to her side.

"How are you feeling this morning?" he gently said adjusting her pillows with care. As a raspy cry escaped her mouth, he reached for the glass of water next to her bed and placed it her lips as she graciously sipped the cool liquid.

"I feel like I was hit with a sandpaper Buick." She joked as attempted to slide up the bed to sit herself up. Steve chuckled and helped adjust her bed, getting her in a sitting position. "I guess this is my own fault, hell once Fury finds out he's gonna send me to the loony bin. Oh god and I feel like such a shit head, I must have scared the shit out of poor Harley. Did you see a cat anywhere in my apartment?" Darcy rapidly rambled.

"Relax Darce, I found your cat and she's fine. I put her in Steve's room- hope you're not allergic buddy." Tony announced as he entered the room.

"Thank god!I feel bad enough if I step on her tail, I wouldn't be able to take it if I had actually hurt her." Darcy said gratefully. As she started to play with the hem of her blanket, she grew progressively more fragile looking. After a while she opened her mouth and sheepishly asked, "So I guess it was you guys that found me last night?"

"Yes, Darce it was us. Mind helping us fill in some blanks here?" Tony said trying to keep his patience.

Steve shot a hard look at Stark and turned to Darcy to make sure she was alright. After a moment she dropped her gaze and stared at the floor.

"It's not any of your business, Tony." She spitted.

"It is my business when you not only attempt to destroy everything in your apartment, but to destroy yourself. Listen if you think you're gonna be all 'noble' by not letting people in, I'm here to tell you it won't help. Out of all the people in the world, we would be closest to understanding what the hell you're going through. Ask any of us how many people we've been close to have died, how many tiles are on the ceiling of our bedrooms- I know we've all fucking counted attempting not face the bloody faces and screams behind our eyelids. Look I've been there, Steve's been there, Bruce, Nat, Clint, hell He-man had to kill his own brother. You cannot internalize this shit. It will destroy you, Darce." Tony pleaded, visibly shaking. Darcy had been expecting her to slap her, this was by far worse, as she started crying. Tony, turned mumbling something about going to get Banner.

"Darce, you scared us yesterday. I know Tony didn't mean for it to come out the way it did, but he's right." Steve said as he pulled the crying woman to his chest and stroked her hair. She cried harder for a moment before pushing her head into him, and wrapping her arms around his waist. They stayed this was for a while before the scientists entered the room.

"You know I'm not one for apologies, Darcy...but I'm sorry. You're one of our dysfunctional family, you know? We can't have anything happen to the sanest person in our motley crew." Tony smiled, brushing her hair out of her face. Upon seeing Bruce approach her, she threw her arms around his shoulders, crying heavily.

"Bruce it's not you're fault this happened, I promise. You couldn't have done anything, you know how stubborn I am. I'm so sorry I put you through all of this... thank you for everything." Darcy told him between sobs. The curls on Banner's head shook for a few moments as the man cried with her, but after a few moments his shoulders relaxed and he pulled up looking as if a weight had been lifted from him.

"So is there anything you need for a few days while the construction crew gets your apartment less Manson-had-a-aftershow-there? Pepper's overseeing the construction by the way so be prepared for a tone of flowers when you get back. You're own fault." Tony asked returning to the room with a pale looking Banner following.

"Thanks to working for Jane for so long everything I need should be in my bag, which if I recall is somewhere near the door-if I didn't throw it again. Thank Pepper for me, I know she's gonna murder me later. Darcy leaned back and surveyed everyone's faces, thankful and embarrassed for the trouble she's put them through so far. Tony's always acted like such a big brother she thought, watching the man hop on his phone to make a call to Pepper, and Bruce has the understanding of someone who had stared down suicide and came back from the edge. Steve... seemed like he had more going then he was trying to show, but Darcy kept seeing glimpses whenever he would look at her. Drifting off to sleep as the latest rounds of pain meds kicked in she thought her kissed her forehead, but hell it was prolly just some weird effect of the meds.


	4. Who Lives,Who Dies,Who Tells Your Story

***Author's note: Long time, no post. I am really sorry guys. I was in the long drawn out process of getting divorced. I hope to have more regular posting at this point. Thanks for all of the amazing reviews! This chapter is a bit short but you guys have waited long enough.***

Steve rested his head on the shower wall, the cool compress in attempt to wake him up as the hot water was running over his sore muscles. He'd spent the last 24 hours mostly sitting in the room with Darcy while she slept, attempting to figure out more about her world. He should have been used to the uncomfortable chairs and awkward feelings in his stomach after watching Peggy succumb to cancer less than 3 months ago. Fury still wasn't responding to Agent Hill and it was starting to look like they were going to have to track him down themselves, which knowing the man was going to be about as difficult as tracking down Bucky. Ever since SHIELD fell Stark Tower had been home, or as close to something to call home as he could. Natasha and Sam helped him track down Barnes so they could keep SHIELD and the rest of the world from putting a mark on him, not like it stopped them, but at least they were able to prove that he was on their side with Stark's lawyers. Whatever side they were all on the world was still trying to determine. Dragging his mind from deep thought he finished rinsing and stepped out into the humid room, almost tripping over Darcy's cat in a rather ungraceful manner. The grey and white cat turned and locked eye contact before starting to rub on his damp ankles. Smiling he carefully finished drying off and dressing, stopping to scratch the cat under her chin. He'd told Stark he'd stop by Darcy's apartment and grab her purse and check on the builders, maybe he'd look and see if the cat had any toys over there as well to bring back in the meantime.

Stepping into the living room he marveled at how quickly the crew had gotten up all the debris and patched the walls, leaving only the paint job left really. As shiny new TV had been put up and it seemed like most of the room was back in order, almost like it had never happened. He picked up the rather large bag and realizing it felt rather light, glanced quickly to see if it actually had anything in it of any use. Embarrassed enough that he looked into a lady's bag he realized she must have forgotten that there were no clothes in the bag and called out to Jarvis in attempt to find where she kept her lounging clothes.

"Top drawer on the right, Sir", Jarvis replied as Steve pulled the drawer out and blushed to his ears. Seems Darcy also kept her undergarments in the same drawer.

Tony looked up from the charts he was skimming to see a still pink Steve entering the medical wing.

"Sleep at all Cap?" he asked.

"Not really, stopped by the gym for a bit then went and picked up Darcy's stuff. Guess we should have asked Pepper to bring some clothes too, there weren't any in her bag."

"Let me guess, you found her fun toys", he started laughing as Rodger's eyes widened getting the reference and then shaking his head. "Sooner or later we're gonna have to get you laid you know, it helps. So if not toys, underwear then? What kind are they? We have bet going, Clint was sure it wasn't thongs for some odd reason."

"I'll have you know I don't wear butt floss!" Darcy managed to yell, making both men turn and face her, Steve still blushing. "Guess you lose Tony".

"Well there goes a $100. How are you feeling?" Tony quipped walking up to her.

"Itchy. These meds are getting on my nerves. I have a high pain tolerance, you can prolly turn down the dosage." She told Stark as he looked over Bruce's chart.

"You are speaking blasphemy, there are starving models everywhere who'd kill for your meds kiddo." he replied.

"Yeah, well they can have them. I don't like feeling numb." She said sighing.

"We deal with things very differently then Darce. I just messaged Nat and she'll stop by here in a few to help you change, Steve just about wet himself getting you some clean clothes so be nice to him." Steve's blush came back full force as Darcy chuckled.

"Sorry you had to see that, guess I forgot I didn't put a new change of clothes in there after the last time I needed them. I know from your generation it's weird, but its very thoughtful coming from mine." She smiled. Steve returned the smile and placed the items on the table near her bed. "How's Harley by the way? I didn't freak her out too much?"

"She's a very adapt assassin, just about got me as I left the shower," he laughed.

"I should have warned you she's a bit of a pervert," she smiled as he turned rosey yet again as Natasha rounded the corner raising an eyebrow. Steven muttered something about getting out of their way as he darted quickly from the room.

"If he turns any more red I think he'll explode," Natasha said while hiding a grin. "Lets go ahead and get you into some new clothes."

As Natasha gracefully helped Darcy up to her feet the women met eyes.

"You knew about my parents didn't you," Darcy whispered.

Natasha eyed her calculating her response. "Yes I did. You needed to be the tell you story though, when you were ready. I think that time has come though."

"I guess it has..." Darcy muttered.


	5. Let You Down

Natasha rounded the corner after she had finished helping the injured woman back into bed and closing the glass door. Tony watched as the young woman pulled the covers up to her neck preparing to sleep.

"You knew didn't you Nat?" Tony asked turning back to the woman.

Natasha signed, "I did, not only did Fury order me to destroy the in-depth file he made it clear that the information should not get out to the team."

"Well Eye Patch isn't here anymore and the situation is more dire than ever. So what the fuck happened Nat?" Tony questioned, a bit more bass in his voice than normal.

Natasha stayed quiet for a moment, debating how to handle this situation. Pursing her lips momentarily before turning to the two men she started, "Fury had his reasoning, looking back on it I see it similar to the way he hid what truly happened with Coulson. I know Darcy doesn't know the full truth, though I believe Fury misjudged how she would handle the information" as she glanced to the woman sleeping as peacefully as possible hooked up to tubes. Looking back directly to Steve, "You remember the bus we helped evacuate during the fight?" she said quietly.

Cold sweat sprouted from his skin as nausea punched Rodgers in the gut. He prayed to whatever god that would listen that the next words from her mouth were not what he was dreading.

"We missed three before the bus exploded." Natasha said to the floor.

Steve recoiled into the seat behind him as Tony opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, words for once escaping the snarky Avenger. After some time Natasha broke the silence, "Steve, I know you think Fury was just keeping you in the dark again, but you need to understand if you were dealing with this information right when it happened you might not have been mentally stable enough to track down Barnes. It was also Darcy's choice not to tell anyone about their deaths, and that part I had to respect."

Steve gulped and almost gagged as bile rose in his throat. The image of Bucky slipping from his hands into the abyss flew front and center to his brain, he knew it was impossible to save everyone but the pain was still present. Somehow he had righted himself with Barnes, but for Darcy there was no returning, his error cost her everything.

"Steve I know what you're thinking, she does deserve the truth...but give some time," Tony said finally collecting his thoughts. "Darcy is a better person than I am by far, but she's emotionally drained. Finding out about Barnes assassinating my parents, even though we know he was being controlled, right when my world was falling apart was...absolute hell" Stark said trailing off, eyes turning dark. Pepper had left him, even if they did end up working things out Steve remembered many nights having to pry bottles from Tony's angry hands. Him and Barnes only recently have started exchanging words, after much prodding from Pepper about how it would help him process his emotions.

Steve sighed, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes till spots formed in his vision. Sadly Stark was right, for the moment at least. He could help staring at Darcy, her chest rising and falling, feeling like he failed her.

After what seemed like endless silence Natasha left to prep for a mission leaving the men alone.

"I'd offer to get you drunk, but we both know that's impossible and a horrible idea at that," Stark said without his normal sarcastic tone. Steve eyed the man, who looked like he had aged 10 years in the short time since removing Darcy from her apartment. Tony seemed to sense his desire not to leave the woman's proximity, but knew he needed to get out of his thoughts. "Cap, Jarvis let me know on the way here that Darcy's cat was out of food."

Steve knew Stark was just trying to give him some sort of distraction, but relented. Plus he wasn't sure how his furniture would survive a battle with a hungry cat not in her own home. Tony clapped him on the back as he rose, reassuring him that he'd keep watch over Darcy till he got back. Walking to the elevator, his footsteps seeming louder than normal, too loud. It was as if sounds were bombarding him, suffocating him. He was too focus on the overwhelming feeling that he almost ran over Barnes stepping off the elevator.

"Hey man, what's going on? I just came back from your place, what's with the cat? Pegged you more as dog person myself," Bucky said trailing off as he noticed Steve shaking. "Are you ok?" was the last thing Steve heard before he hit the floor blacking out.

Steve came to and realized he was on a couch, his own couch. Starting to sit up he heard Sam tell him to take it slow.

"You had a panic attack Steve. Not sure how or why, honestly I wasn't sure that could happen with the serum, but with how Barnes described what happened it definitely seems like that was the case", Sam said sitting across from the man. Steve sighed heavily, looking around and finding Barnes tossing some cat food in a bowl and placing it down for the meowing cat, suddenly her favorite person in the world.

"Is Darcy not recuperating?" Bucky asked sitting on the couch with Steve but giving him some breathing room.

Steve wrung his hands together, trying to figure out what to say. Looking anywhere but the two men he finally settled on staring at the floor. "I'm responsible for the death of Darcy's family during the Battle of New York," was the only thing Steve could string together. He could sense Sam and Bucky turning to each other and then back to him. "I couldn't get them evacuated from a bus before it exploded. I thought I had gotten everyone out in time, but I...I..." he couldn't even get out the words. Tears bristled on the edge of his eyesight. He felt Barnes rest his metal hand on his shoulder as he curled into himself finally breaking down. Ugly, jarring sobs not just for his self hatred and failure to Darcy, but for Peggy, Barnes torment, but for every person that he failed to save. It struck in a huge wave, emotions and thoughts he had pushed to the back of his mind drowning him. After some time, uncertain of how long it took for his emotions to die down, he noticed the gray and white cat headbutting his leg and mewing trying to get his attention. Wiping his face he made eye contact with the cat, who mewed at him once more before headbutting his leg demanding attention.

"She'd make a good therapy animal," Sam stated as he watched Steve petting the cat quietly.

The men continued the silence, transfixed in their own thoughts. Each once having their own version of the same situations.

***Author's Note: Apologies again for the time it took to get this posted. I'm going to try to focus on making sure there's a new chapter each month at the very least. Also this brings in some information from Civil War and Agents of Shield, but with some changes. I'm still uncertain of what all I'm going to use from the story line, so I'm keeping it open for the moment. Also I'll be giving you guys the information for what song I named the chapter after in the chapters continuing. This one is a Seether song, it and the song Pittsburgh by The Amity Affliction are ones I feel set the tone.***


End file.
